Operation:Robin Roost
by Kita chan
Summary: Dick finds out Tim is still a virgin. And he is going to fix that.
1. Chapter 1

Operation:Robin Roost

A/n: Poor Tim. You never stood a chance.

"YOU'RE WHAT!" Tim wanted to plug his fingers in his ear and pretend that he wasn't in the restaurant with his adopt brother Dick who had just manged to make him feel like he was on the spot. Everyone in the restaurant were now looking at them, as Dick leaned in closer to him. "You are kidding right?"

_No, no Dick I am not._ Tim bit his lip, and looked down at his food, trying to figure out how to play it cool. "It isn't a big deal."

"Isn't a big deal my ass. Crap, we need to fix this."

"There is nothing to fix. I'm fine."

"I mean, you really are, aren't you?" Dick looked at Tim hard, trying to see if he could spot the lie. "Are you sure you aren't kidding? Not even Cassandra?"

"Dude. She is like our sister."

"Yea, our hot Asian sister. What is wrong with you?"

_Nothing. Nothing is wrong with me, you dick._ Tim found Dick's name now too perfect for him. "There is nothing wrong with me. Nothing at all. Expect that I let you take me out to lunch."

"We need to fix this."

"No. We don't need to fix anything."

"Yes, we do. How can I live through you if you can't seal the deal."

"I don't see the point in it. I must be asexual. Can we let it go?"

"I mean, what do you have against women."

"I have nothing against women. I just got to see how well things worked out for you and Bruce, sorry if I don't want to jump on that wagon."

Dick shrugged his shoulders. "Don't you want to be connected to another person?"

"You can be connected with people without getting naked, _Dick_."

"It is a lot more fun that way." Dick looked at him food and his eyes got a little wider, thinking about good times. "A lot more."

_I am getting no where._ "Can we talk about something else?"

"Sorry. Mind just blown over here."

"Why? Because I am a virgin? You were once."

"Yea, and that was a long time ago. And Gordon walked in, that was a show stopper."

"But, but you broke up with Barbara in High school..."

"Yea, so?"Dick had a your point look on his face.

"But what about the creed?"

"The Creed? What the hell-" A realization washed across Dick's face, "You mean that oath Bruce taught us? The, 'The two things that can kill you are sex and panicking'? Is that the creed you are talking about? From the guy who has had enough sex to populate half of Africa? Really?"

"He doesn't enjoy it."

"My ass. No one has that much sex and doesn't enjoy it." Dick waved his fork around, "That is it. We are getting you laid."

Tim looked horrified. "No."

"Yes. Your new mission is to get pussy."

Tim searched his mind for ways to escape. But the look on Dick's face was clear that he wasn't going to get out of this a virgin. Not if Dick had anything to do with it.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

A/n:I love Alfred.

There was something wrong. Bruce knew that the second he woke up, about twenty minutes before he was planning on it. The universe was out of order, and he, Batman, could feel it. Right as he lifted his head from the soft pillows of his bed, the door to his bedroom busted open and Tim came rushing in, like a bat out of hell. "BRUCE! Make him leave me alone!" The younger man dived into his bed, and Bruce was suddenly glad he didn't sleep naked. Tim tried to push Bruce in the line of fire and pressed himself behind Bruce's back, like he was going to protect him. Dick appeared in the door way, as stupid grin on his face.

"WHAT IS GOING ON!" Bruce was irritated. He was protective of his small amounts of sleep. They made him pleasant. Or as pleasant as he got. He dragged himself out of bed, with Tim trying to use him as a shield. Dick remained in the doorway, trying not to laugh.

"Tell Dick, to leave me alone." Tim was clearly shaken up, and acting as if he was a small child. Bruce decide what ever Dick had done, must have been to much for Tim to handle. There were only a few things that would make that happen. Bruce didn't want to think about what those were. Bruce took a deep breath, and tried to make sure he wasn't going to beat the two of them for waking him.

"Okay. I am now trying to figure out why the two of you are in my bedroom. And it better be good." He glanced around the room for a second, his eyes hitting the bathroom door, before returning to the trouble at hand.

"Dick is trying to make me..." Tim couldn't say it.

"Have sex." Dick offered. Tim let out a groan like someone was trying to kill him.

"I don't want to and you can't make me."

"What?" Bruce was confused. And also trying to figure out why he would care what Tim did on his free time. Or who he would do in his free time. "This matters to you?"

"Yes, I mean, do you want Tim to die a virgin?"

"I don't want to think about Tim doing anything like that, Dick." Bruce got a half smile, "And besides Dick, if he doesn't want to have sex with you, you have to respect that." Tim made a small squeak noise from his back. He could feel the younger man holding on to his shoulders, still using him to keep him between the two of them.

"What? NO! I mean, have sex with women. I am _not_ gay."

"Sure..." Bruce rolled his eyes. "Is this all that this is about?"

"Tell him to leave me alone." Tim said, shaking is finger at Dick. "That I am completely normal."

"I would never say any of us are normal. I know I'm not." Bruce looked at Tim, then back at Dick. "Why do you care so much?"

Dick looked down at the floor, kicking some specks of air with his foot. "I don't have to explain myself."

"He has been following me for days. Offering to throw women my way, women who will do things..." Tim shook his head, "I am not interested! Make him stop!"

"Tim. You are an adult now. Which means it is your problem, not mine. I am not going to be around to solve all your problems..." Bruce turned around to look at the young man, when the shower in the master bath came on.

No one moved. Bruce glanced between the two, as if he had been caught in a big secret. "Who is in the shower Bruce?" Dick asked, looking like a cat who got a large plate of cream.

"No one." Bruce recovered quickly, "I programmed the house computer to start my shower when I get up. This is when I was planning on getting up." He put Tim in front of him, pushing the young man toward the door and Dick. "Now, I don't care what happens, but keep me out of this. I don't have the time for it." He shoved the two of them out the door before slamming it shut.

"NO!" Tim cried when he realized Bruce had locked the door, "Please, Bruce, you have to help me."

"You are being so dramatic." Dick said, waving him off. "It is not that big of a deal."

"Then why do you care?"

"You don't want to die a virgin do you?"

"What if I do?"

"No man wants to die a virgin."

"I do." Tim crossed his arms.

"Really?"

"Yea, and I decide it right now."

"That is an odd declaration Master Tim." A voice said behind him, and the two turn see Alfred there, "I take it there will be more for breakfast then."

Dick started laughing, as all the color drained from Tim's face. Clearly he had not expect to see Alfred at all, let alone after he had just declared about how he was planning on dying. "Sure Alfred, we will stay for breakfast..."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

A/n: Not much longer now. Poor Tim again, he never stood a chance. Next chapter we will get why Dick is really doing this, beside for the laughs. AND WHY IS IT A PAIN TO DO LINE BREAKS! ARG!

_ It had been going on for to long now. _Tim thought. He had been avoiding Dick for almost two weeks, but that haven't stopped the text messages, the begging to go out to bars with him, and the phone calls were Dick had handed out his number. Those things were manageable in comparison to what Dick had now doing. For the past few morning, Tim had woken to find Dick standing at the foot of his bed, like a crazy ex.

It had to stop. Tim was losing his mind and it was all over something so simple. He was beginning to think that it was worth losing his virginity, just to get Dick off his back about it.

_OH MY GOD! I COULD LIE!_ The thought had never crossed his mind. It was something so simple, why haven't he though of it before. _Yes...I will lie to Dick. He will never know._

Tim felt a presence next to him, and he turned to see Batman. "I took care of the mugging. You seem preoccupied." Tim looked over the side of the building to see the mugger sprawled out on the payment like he had been hit by a semi-truck. Which, in a way, he had.

"Sorry, I-"

"Don't care. Get a handle on it." Batman was always short.

_Great. Just great. Tonight is not going well._ "Can I ask an question?"

"Is it about Crime fighting in Gotham?"

Tim fought just dropping it. But he found he couldn't."No."

"Then it can wait. And I don't care." And with that, Batman left him alone on the roof top.

_So much for the joke that the roof tops of Gotham are where heart to hearts happen. _Tim thought as he went to follow him.

* * *

><p>Tim had let Dick take him out to lunch again, after all, what harm could it do. He was feeling confident. He had won this challenge with not as much as a scratch on him.<p>

"So. You said you have news."

"Yes. And since you have wanted to hear it so bad, here it is. I'm no longer a virgin." Tim took at bite out of his food with a grin on his face, "So there."

Dick let out a laugh, "Well?"

"Well, what?"

"Go on." Dick waved his hand as if to lead Tim on.

Tim had planned his response for this one. "I don't have to. A Gentlemen doesn't kiss and tell."

Dick raised an eyebrow. "Tim, your hand doesn't count."

"It wasn't with my hand. That isn't sex Dick."

"Oh, really, I wasn't sure, because I am talking to a virgin and all." If there was one thing the bat family could do better than crime fighting, it was sarcasm.

"I am _not _a virgin."

"Really, you said you were going to die a virgin, and now you aren't one. What happened?" Dick was punching a hole in Tim's lie. He had to cover it up.

"I can change my mind."

"Like a teenage girl."

"I am not like a teenage girl."

"You are right, you are like a pregnant teenage girl. Extra hormones."

Tim knew Dick was trying to get under his skin. He was going to get the upper hand. "I have had sex."

Dick said two words that Tim realized he had run into a problem."Prove it."

"What?"

"Prove it. Prove you had sex."

"I didn't film it you sicko."

"That isn't what I mean. Who did you do it with, can I ask her about it?"

"I'm not telling you who I slept with."

"Because there isn't a girl. Just your hand. So which one was it that you spent time with last night, your left or your right?"

"You are sick."

"You keep taking me out to lunch. What does that say about you?"

"Well, I'm not paying for your food, so I don't see how this is me taking you out to lunch. And if you want proof, I can get proof."

"Really?" Dick looked excited.

"I'm not filming myself having sex, you pervert."

Dick didn't seemed phased, "You don't have to. You just have to bring me your mystery woman's panties. And don't think you can get away with just buying a pair."

_Well fuck._ Tim thought as he jammed more food in his mouth to keep from screaming.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

A/N: No one upstages the Batman. It is like putting baby in the corner.

Dick hunted around the room. He figured he had a few hours, give or take, before Bruce and Tim made it back to the manor, now it was time for some investigating. Dick had figured out that Bruce was lying about the shower, Someone had been in it. Someone female. Tim was to busy trying to protect his virginity to see it. Bruce had a girlfriend. And Dick was going to find out who.

Why? Because he could. Because Bruce had made the mistake of teaching them that having information was important. It was a way to have power.

Dick liked having power, and having Tim distracted, worrying over his own state of virginity; Dick found himself free to poke around the master bedroom with out interruption.

The plan was just to mess with Tim. The opportunity to mess with Bruce was just gravy. It was the best kind of gravy that men wrote epics about.

After all, no one upstaged the Batman.

He found nothing that much out of order, after all Alfred made sure to keep the room and the manor itself in perfect working order. Dick hunted around the whole room, careful to not to disturb anything. After all, Bruce had a photographic memory; He would know if something had been moved. He had also made the mistake of teaching Dick and Tim how to investigate without being noticed. Hunting around on the floor near the bed, He found himself reaching under the bed, gripping a small pair of woman's underwear. _Bingo._ Dick thought, pulling them out and stuffing them into his pants pocket. He didn't even take a peek. It would be stupid to peek at them while he could still get caught in there. But he hit pay dirt. It was time to make the get-away. Dick slipped out the door, pulling it softly closed behind him.

"What are you doing?" A voice asked behind him, and Dick recognized the voice immediately. Bruce.

_Well Fuck._ "Nothing."

Bruce got close to him, pinning him between the wall and keeping him from freedom. "What were you doing in my room? What were you even doing here? Am I going to find whoopee cushions under my mattress again? It wasn't funny the first time _Dick_."

"No, the whoopee cushions are under Tim's bed. I was just measuring the room for something I was going to get you for your birthday." _My god that is a bad lie. _"That is all."

Bruce didn't believe it. His eyebrow raised and Dick felt like he was in high school again, "Really?"

"Would I lie to you?"

"Yes."

"Well. That is all I am telling you." Dick tried to leave, but Bruce stopped him with a hand to the chest.

"Don't take this the wrong way." And with that, Bruce stuck his hand into Dick's pants pocket, taking back the pay dirt that Dick had almost got away with. "Nice try." He stuffed the panties into his own pocket, before Dick had a chance to even see what color they were. He should have taken a peek in the bedroom.

"I'm going to find out who she is."

"Good luck with that."

"Just you wait."

"I will be waiting." Dick walked away defeated. And plotting.

* * *

><p>Tim was unsure how he had let Dick trick him into going clubbing with him. Now he had pretty much glued himself to the bar thinking up ways to escape. And he was drinking soda. After all, he was planning to go out after tonight. And doing something he found more fun. There were a lot of young people around, dancing and having a good time. This was not his kind of fun. His kind of fun involved punching people and making a city safe.<p>

"Hey...Sexy..." A voice said, next to him. It was a blond in a low cut shirt. She was really drunk, and using the bar to hold herself up. "What...What are you doing here?" It was an odd question, it seemed to be clear that he was nursing a drink at the bar.

"Mmmm..." _Damn Dick. _If Dick didn't have him all out of sorts with this whole virginity thing he could flirt his way out of this and get home into time to go out on patrol. "Here, with...a friend. You?"

"Me...Too." She was slow. So slow. Like someone happen to put her on pause. Tim was not amused.

"That is nice..." Tim went back to his drink, not interested in flirting. He was hoping she was smart enough to get the hint.

She wasn't. Suddenly, she grabbed his arm, trying to be sexy. "I'm Ruby, what's your name?" The s was elongated, like she was enjoying saying the sound. It didn't make her sound sexy, she sounded like a snake.

Tim looked at her, an eyebrow raised. It was a Bruce look, "So, Ruby, What made you come over and hit on me?" He asked, not in the mood to play the game. He wasn't in the mood to come to this bar in the first place.

"You are sooooooooo cute. Why can't I just," She was slurring real bad, and half the words she spoke barely sounded like English. "Talk with a sexy guy like you, Timmay?"

That was it. Dick had sent her. "That is interesting Ruby, being that I didn't give you my name." He was mad. He stormed away from her, and up to Dick, who had his arms around two women, flirting shamelessly. "I can not believe- No, wait, it's you. I can believe you did that. I'm Leaving now. Find your own ride home."

"Did what?" Dick was trying to look innocent. The keyword there was trying. "Tim, don't be that way, I was just trying to help you out."

"I don't need your help, I'm fine."

"So you were Lying earlier, I knew it."

Tim paused, _Is he talking about Lunch?_ "Dear God, you are crazy, and I am over this. I am leaving, and when you come to your senses, I will be happy to talk with you again, Dick. Have a good night!" Tim waved him off.

_I didn't get rid of him that easy._ Tim thought, as he headed out to his car. _I am getting a call tomorrow. _He made it to his own car, and leaned up against it, rubbing his phone in his pocket went off_, Or right now._

"What?"

"Come on Tim, it isn't that bad." It was Dick.

"You are crazy, did you know that? You are completely nuts."

"I know someone crazier than the two of us. And he still gets laid once in a while. I am sure he would give you a few pointers."

"What can I do to get you to leave me alone?"

"Do a woman. Or a man. I'm open minded."

"I hate you so much."

"Oh Tim, I wish I could believe that."

"I'm hanging up now."

"Yea right." Tim wanted to hang up so bad. He wanted to go back into the club, and slap Dick around. But part of him need to have the last word.

"I'm never having sex, just to spite you." He said, before hanging up. He began to rub his forehead, hopping that this nightmare would be over.

His phone went off again, **Good luck with that.** God, he hated Dick. He wanted this nightmare over.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

A/N: I am sad that Damian's cameo isn't as epic as Alfred's was. But he isn't Alfred. I also would like to take the time and say thank you all for the reviews, the alerts, and the favorites. You all rock hard. I am sad this is the last chapter. As always, let me know what you think. I loves the feedback. Thanks Julia for the catching that typo. I owe you a cookie.

Tim had been mopping around the manor house like he had been forced to eat his own puppy. Dick had, for the pass week, been asking about which hand was getting more action and he couldn't take it. Any time that wasn't spent on patrol was spent trying to avoid Dick and moping. It was a unbroken cycle. He had turned off his phone, thrown it around his room, and it now remained lost to time. It had been awful. Any pleading to Bruce for help had been met with laughs, and the, you are old enough to deal with this.

But the worst had come from Damian himself. It was mid afternoon and Tim was moping in front of the TV, watching some dumb cartoon. Granted, what he was doing wouldn't be called watching as much as, filling time until he could go punch criminals pretending they were Dick.

"Is he still moping?" Bruce had asked Damian who was 'watching' cartoons with Tim. It was more of he was staring at Tim, trying to figure out the same thing that Bruce was, Why Tim cared so much.

"Yea, he is still moping that he can't get his dick wet." Tim stared at Damian as if he had grown a second and third head that started doing three stooges acts together.

"DAMIAN!" Bruce was in shock from what had come out of his son's mouth. _Where did he learn that?_

"WHAT?"

"YOU'RE TEN!" Bruce looked at the ground and then back at him, "Where did you learn that?"

"Dick said to say it, that Tim's face would be priceless, and it was!" Damian looked around, clearly not understanding completely what he had said. "I don't know what it means."

Tim found his voice, "Like hell you don't know what it means."

"I don't. HONEST!"

"Damian, go to your room." Bruce said, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"Am I in trouble?" The ten year old asked.

"I'm not sure yet. I'll let you know."

"Last time I listen to Dick..." Damian said, muttering to himself as he left the room.

Once he was out of ear shot, Bruce chuckled a little. Tim was not amused. "Really?" He asked, and Bruce just shrugged.

"Why are you letting it bother you?" It was a very good question. One Tim didn't feel like answering. He just stormed out of the room heading to his own room.

In truth, he didn't have a answer for why it bothered him. It seemed to be Dick's need to bring it up every chance he got. And that was what was getting to him. He was happy with the way his life was. He got to beat up criminals with Batman every night. That was his childhood dream. What more in life could he want?

Tim climbed the stairs, heading toward his room. He wasn't mad. It wasn't worth getting mad at Damian. The kid probably didn't know any better. After all, he doubted that Dick explained why that would upset Tim. Damian would have agreed to do it the second he was told that he would upset Tim. That was irksome, but not something to hold a grudge over it. There were better things to do that with.

As he entered his room, he noticed that Alfred had finished his laundry. It was sitting on top of the dresser, waiting to be put away. Alfred must have gotten called away, and was unable to finish. Tim went on autopilot, beginning to put away his clothes, when he found something odd.

A pair of panties. A pair of women panties. A pair of Hello Kitty panties.

Tim was confused at first. What were these doing in his laundry?

Tim looked them over for a second. _What the..._Then the light bulb went on, over his head. He had won.

All this proved was one thing. That there was a god, and his name was Alfred. (At least that explains why he apparently lives forever.)

"Yes..." He hissed to himself, and then began the hunt for his phone. Dick was going to lose this fight.

* * *

><p>Tim was out on the roof top, waiting. Dick would be here soon. He couldn't wait. He was almost giggly with excitement. He was going to get away with it. He was going to pull one over on Dick. He was going to win. It was the little things in life. The little things, like getting back at the 'brother' who had been harassing him for a while.<p>

Dick soon appeared, in costume of course, "So which hand did you spend with last night?" It was a good question, and Tim had a good answer.

"Not a hand, but a Kitty Cat." He said, holding his prize out to Dick. Dick's face was hard to describe. It was a cross between shock and awe.

"Bullshit. Who's are those?" Dick ripped them from his hand.

"Who do you think?"

"You scored, with Catwoman?"

Tim had a shit eating grin. Dick believed him. He was off the hook, virginity intact. "I don't need to kiss and tell, that would be un-gentlemen-like, don't you think?"

"Yes, Darling, I think it would be." A voice behind him said. Soon there was an arm on his shoulder, and there was Selina Kyle, in all her glory. _Oh shit._ Tim thought, hopefully not loud enough for the two other people on the roof top to hear him.

"Well-" Tim was going to defend himself, but Selina had a different idea. She grabbed the boy by his head, pulling it back and began to kiss him, square on the lips. Dick stood there dumbfounded, as Catwoman pushed her tongue down the throat of his little brother.

Tim was more surprised than anything else. Why wasn't she beating the two of them into a bloody pulp? Why was she kissing him? Why was her tongue half way down his throat and were was her hand going? He grabbed her wrist as it head toward a part of his body he didn't want touched infront of Dick.

"Oh Darling, you are right, there isn't time for that." Selina dropped him, and Tim hadn't realized she had been holding him up. He dropped to his knees as she headed over to Dick, taking the panties from him. "I will be taking these." She turned back to take one more look at Tim. "Later, lover boy. Nightwing. It has been a pleasure." And with that, she was gone, as quickly as she had appeared.

The two didn't say anything, for a long time. Tim got to his feet, and Dick watched him the whole time. "Dude. You win." Was all he said.

* * *

><p>Bruce peered through his night-vision binoculars, watching and waiting. He knew a big deal was going down tonight, and he was going to stop it. They weren't going to bring more drugs into his city. Not if he had anything to do with it. <em>I will-<em> His thought was cut off, by a fist, upside his head. Causing him to drop the binoculars off the side of the building he was standing on. "You are-" He spun around, ready to take down who had dared to sneak up and hit the batman. "Selina?" He said, surprised, "What was-"

"I CAN NOT BELIEVE YOU!" She shouted. She was spiting fire.

"What are you talking about?" Batman was confused. And when he was confused he had found the best course of action was to punch things til he got answers. But she was mad like a cat that had been dropped in water. He didn't want to take her on like this. Plus he doubted that hitting her was going to help him in any way, shape, or form.

"Look what I took off your birds."She threw the panties in his face. He pulled them off, and looked at them, confused. "I don't know what sick game you boys are playing, but I don't want to be apart of it."

"Selina, I have no clue how they got these-" He had to calm her down.  
>"Oh really? Did the Butler do it? I highly doubt that."<p>

"Kitten really-"

"Don't Kitten me! I am staying out of your sick game. Goodnight Bruce." She turned to leave.

"Selina!" She stopped, but didn't look at him, arms crossed. "I don't know how they got these, but I will be making them pay. Now, I have to get back to fighting crime...Dinner tomorrow?"

"You really have no idea how they got them?"

"None. But I will find out when I get home. And Heads will roll." She turned to look at him, which was a cold hard stare. Batman wondered if that was the look he gave people? If so, it made him want to run for cover.

"Fair enough. And it is a nice dinner you are taking me to. And a play."

"Done." And with that, she left him to his own thoughts.

He was going to kill those two. It is their fault he would have to sit through Cats again.


End file.
